


Shouldn't it be me?

by rachelladeville



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Gay Sex, High School, M/M, Prom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-12
Updated: 2016-03-14
Packaged: 2018-05-26 06:16:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6227104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rachelladeville/pseuds/rachelladeville
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Something's got Dean thinking about his youth... and his first love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Dance

**Author's Note:**

> No beta - sorry for the inevitable errors.

 

Judging by the sun, its high-noon in the west as Dean motors his baby, his ’67 Chevy Impala, into a parking lot. He’s tired. He’s thirsty. Baby is covered with a thin layer of dust and road grit. He’s been driving since a whim struck him at about 3:00 am. Now, with his phone open to Facebook, he’s double checking the address that’s been a blinking blue light on his phone’s map for over five hundred miles.

Certain that he’s reached his destination, he cuts the engine off. It ticks and clinks as it cools down. It’s time to get out of the car now, but he can’t seem to work up the nerve to do actually do it. A bead of sweat rolls down the back of his neck. Without the constant breeze from the car in motion – the heat has overwhelmed him quickly. There’s moisture on his upper lip and his clothes are getting sticky.

Dean drops his head back onto the headrest. It was stupid to do this; he needs to just pull back out of the lot and drive back home. No good can come from this. Unwilling to commit to either going inside or going home – Dean pushes out of the driver’s seat and sets his boots on hot asphalt. Mostly he just needs to get out of the hot box and feel a breeze on his face. It’s June in Texas – so it’s a hot breeze. But it’s a breeze none-the-less.

He leans on the car for a moment, just to collect his thoughts. But for some reason, his mind takes a journey back to middle school instead. He remembers clearly… it was the first day back from summer break. It was hot and everyone was restless. They’d barely gotten books passed out when the principle entered, bringing with her a new student.

After thanking Principle Mosely, Ms. Talbot had promptly stopped class and drawn the scrawny boy into the classroom. “Class, this is Castiel Novak. He’ll be joining us from…” she paused and turned her attention to the youngster at her side, “… where are you from Castiel?”

“Denver,” answered the boy, looking out towards the class rather than at the teacher.

“Denver,” she repeated, “Castiel has moved here from Denver. Welcome to Lawrence, Castiel. Take a seat over there,” she said pointing to a vacant seat near the front - a few desks up from Dean.

Kids were snickering already… because the kid’s name was strange. Not a good start for the kid. Not his fault, though, thought Dean. His parents fault. Someone should kick their asses for naming their kid like that. Didn’t they know what happened to kids with weird names?

Dean instantly liked the kid too, though he couldn’t put his finger on why. It was a shame to hear the whispers forming behind him. This kid wasn’t off to the best start. His Bronco’s jersey wasn’t helping either. Any number of teams would’ve been a better choice. Dean glanced down at his t-shirt which bore the Kansas City Chiefs logo. He thumped his pencil on the edge of his desk rhythmically until Ms. Talbot looked at him and shook her head. Tapping his pencil was a tick – he couldn’t help it. So he simply transferred the thumping to the meat of his hand. It was quieter that way, and she resumed class.

She turned to the blackboard and began writing. The moment her back was turned, a ball of crumpled paper whizzed by Dean and hit the new kid square in the back of his head. He watched the boy turn and try to determine where the paper missile had come from. But a sea of smirks and quiet snickers had given nothing away. Dean rolled his eyes and went back to thumping his pencil.

When the bell finally rang – everyone leapt to their feet. Dean included. As they pressed toward the front of the room, Dean had watched his best friend Stan walk past the new kid and give him a shove, using a snide tone to say, “Nice jersey, Ass-tiel.”

Dean couldn’t say, even now, why he’d done it. But he’d done it. He’d shoved forward and pushed his weight between them, “Fuck off Stan, it’s not his fault his parents named him for a fairy. And lay off him,” he’d hollered forcefully but in a friendly, teasing manor, “He hates that name. Goes by Cas,” he said firmly, “Right Cas?”

The kid seemed to know instantly that Dean was trying to help him. Rather than slink away from the attention, he stood tall next to Dean and agreed as they moved with the flow of bodies out into the hall.

“Well,” barked Stan, turning to walk backwards in front of them, “It’s his fault he wore that damn jersey… unless his mama dressed him too.”

Castiel opened his mouth to speak but Dean beat him to the punch, “Stan… if you can wear that fuckin hat all goddam summer… Cas can wear the Bronco’s.” Launching himself playfully from Cas’ side and crashing into Stan – he’d ripped the Cowboy’s hat from the boy’s head and took off running. Dean was laughing as Stan took off after him. It was a noteworthy diversion and even baking in the heat some fifteen years later Dean chuckles as he remembers it.

The next time he’d seen the kid was at lunch. Dean’s family used to move around a lot and he knew what it was like to start a new school. So, he’d deliberately looked for Cas when he got into the lunch line. The boy was a few students ahead, so Dean just shimmied up in line to stand next to him.

“No cutting Dean, or I’ll cut _you_ ,” threatened Meg – the resident tuff bitch with the black nail polish and foul mouth.

“Fuck off Meg, he was saving for me.” She didn’t like it, but she let it go, rolling her eyes and turning to bitch to her friends as he slid in line easily next to Cas.

“How’s it going?” he’d asked the new kid.

“Sucks. But you knew that already, right?”

Dean grinned. Yeah. He liked this kid, “Got anywhere to sit?”

“Nope.”

“Sit with us then,” Dean had said firmly, “and don’t take any shit.”

The two nodded and stepped up for trays, “Whatcha think so far?”

The kid shrugged, “it’s school, Dean.”

“We’ve got a hot teacher” he countered – as if that made up for all the injustice of junior high life.

“Ms. Talbot?”

“Yeah dude… she’s smokin. And when she grades papers,” he waggled his eyebrows, “she sucks on her pen. It’s so hot.”

“Got a girlfriend?” asked Cas.

“Nope. Girlfriends,” retorted Dean, emphasizing the plural as he fished into the bin for a carton of milk. “So you’re stickin with the jersey, huh?”

“Yep.”

“It’d look better at the bottom of your locker,” teased Dean, “they’re gonna keep on ya about it. You sure you don’t wanna ditch it?”

“Yep.”

“Why?” he asked as they headed towards Dean’s friends.

“Because.” Said Cas firmly, “Because fuck _them_.”

“That’s right,” laughed Dean slapping the kid on the back as they seated themselves at his usual table, “Fuck them.”

It had been fun watching Cas mix into his group and become accustomed to life in Lawrence. It only took a few weeks for Cas to bump Stan down a notch and slide into Dean’s ‘best friend’ spot. They were inseparable from the very start.

Dean had never given Cas any reason to question his loyalty. Even when real issues started to present themselves. Cas had commented a few times that girls were gross… or some variant of that sentiment. Dean didn’t question it. After all, it hadn’t been too long ago that he’d felt the same. But when Cas was still balking at the idea of girls a few years later as they prepared for their eighth grade dance, Dean had to just ask him…

“What the fuck, Cas? Don’t you ever want to stick your dick in anything?”

The look on Cas’ face was priceless. But just a few short weeks after the dance was over, Cas had told Dean the truth. That he did have wants and needs – just like Dean did. But that they weren’t directed at girls. With uncertainty in his voice, Cas had laid it out there, “Dean, I think I’m gay.”

Dean had nodded. He could see how hard it had been for his friend to tell him and had wanted to reassure him of their friendship without making a fuss. So he’d clapped his friend on the shoulder saying, “Doesn’t change a thing, man.”

They both nodded and went back to the game they were playing. Dean had wondered, though, for a few minutes that night (and often afterwards) if he was appealing to Cas. They’d always shared a bed when Cas slept over… and Dean didn’t want to make it weird now that Cas had trusted him with his secret. So they continued to do so. For years. Sometimes, as they’d be falling asleep or waking up, Dean’s mind would wander to that question… does he want me? How would I know if he did?

Sometimes when he’d thought about it he felt awkward, almost worried that Cas _did_ want him. And then other times, he wondered why his friend _didn’t_ want him. It was a little confusing. But they had never talked about it. It had soon become a moot point when Cas came out to everyone else because it didn’t take long for him to find someone after that. Alfie sat by Cas in band and was heavily involved in theater and speech and several other areas that Dean was unfamiliar with. The longer Cas and Alfie were together – the more Cas was pulled into his world instead of Deans.

Eventually, Cas quit all the sports he was in except track. Dean had missed his friend sharply – especially in basketball. But he understood. After practice he’d linger in the gym and watch as the lights were darkened and play practice commenced. His friends from the team would sometimes sit on the bleachers with him for a bit, eating Cheetos and burping Mt. Dew while Dean watched Cas and his friends running lines. Dean would linger long after his teammates had gone and then he and Cas would ride home together just like always. Cas was more studious than Dean and would often help him if he got too far behind on things or needed to cram. No matter what, they were always there for each other.

Their activities and circles of friends had slowly morphed into two different worlds over the years. But there was an invisible glue that held them together, still best friends through it all.

Until junior prom.

For weeks before hand, Prom was all anyone was talking about. Rumors about ‘who was taking who’ were the dominating topic of conversation. The girls were busy with their posters and decorating, especially Dean’s girl Lisa.

The guys were constantly making jokes about prom and talking shit about it. The girls were pinning hopes and dreams on it. Dean wanted to give a collective eye-roll to the entire thing. But he and Lisa were actually nominated for King and Queen so he had worked to rein in his negativity.

He’d tried to get Cas interested in going with him and Lisa as foursome – it was the only way the evening would be any fun for him. But he’d made a mistake in not mentioning it soon enough. Cas and Alfie had already gone in with some other friends to get a limo and Dean was stuck going with Lisa alone.

He’d gritted his teeth and posed for picture after picture with her in her pink sequined dress. First with her parents and then at the school for their official photo and then a hundred more times throughout the evening until he’d reached the limits of his patience.

There were good times planned for after the dance - they’d all pitched in for alcohol and were planning to party hard. But the actual event? Boring as fuck. The dancing was okay, but Lisa was intolerable. She’d been acting like a damn prom queen long before the actual announcement made it official. Dean had stood on the stage with her and accepted his crown. He’d posed for even more pictures and then let all his friends jokingly insult the crown that they secretly wanted.

The event had actually been starting to wind down before he realized he hadn’t spoken with Cas all night. It didn’t feel right. He’d stepped away from Lisa to go look for his friend. Actually finding him was jarring.

He’d stood for a minute just watching from a few yards away as Cas and Alfie danced. They’d obviously been having a great time and were now smashed together from shoulder to knee and staring into each other’s eyes.

Dean remembered, even now, how knotted up his stomach had been as he’d watched them. All this time… years… and Cas had never done anything to make Dean feel funny about his being gay. He’d never moved a hand towards Dean in the car when they were alone or in the bed when they shared. Not even when Dean had wondered why he didn’t.

Sometimes he’d even wondered _why_ Cas didn’t want him. Wasn’t he sexy? Hell yeah he was! Everyone thought so. Everyone but Cas. It was weird. He’d always consoled himself that he didn’t want Cas to make a move. That he was straight and it would be weird if Cas were looking at him that way. But if that was the case… then why did it hurt to watch his friend in the arms of another? Why was he wishing it were him?

Slowly, he had put one foot in front of the other and walked over. He’d made a joke to Alfie as he’d asked to cut in. He laughed as he slid his arms around his friend’s waist and said it was the only way he’d get a minute with his buddy.

“Dean, you’re the fucking prom king. I couldn’t get within 10 feet of you tonight.” He’d teased back.

“I know. Lisa’s head takes up ten feet all by itself.”

They’d laughed together and Dean had pulled his crown off and dropped it on Cas. “You wear it for a while,” he’d told his friend, “Lisa won’t even notice the difference.”

“Aw c’mon it can’t be that bad,” said Cas, picking up on the melancholy undercurrent of Dean’s mood.

“I’m just bored without you. Wanna come party with us after?”

“Yes. But I can’t,” Cas had told him, “It’s a big night for me and Alfie.”

“A big night? What the fuck? Is that gay-speak for getting your cherry popped?”

Cas had burst out laughing, but as they swayed together on the dance floor, his face was unmistakable. That’s exactly what this was. Cas was going to have his first time tonight. Dean wanted to puke. The sheer _wrongness_ of it had hit him like a ton of bricks. He couldn’t take it anymore. He’d leaned in and held Cas closely as he whispered in his ear… mostly because he was too chicken-shit to see the look on his friends face as he spoke.

“Cas,” he’d said quietly, “It doesn’t seem right. If you’re gonna do it, shouldn’t it be… it just feels like… like it should be me. Shouldn’t it be me?”

 

.


	2. The Memories

Cas had never really been in Dean’s arms before – not until they’d had half a dance at the Prom. But physical closeness wasn’t lacking in their friendship. Dean hadn’t thought about it much until he’d found himself waiting for Cas in the parking lot. As he’d leaned on his dad’s ‘67 Chevy he’d realized how close they really were. Cas had been caged under him as they’d wrestled playfully many times – always squirming hopelessly in a futile attempt to regain the upper hand. They’d sat close together at the movies – not even thinking about it when their hands would bump in the popcorn bucket. They would occasionally wake tangled up when Cas would sleep over. There were even some one-arm bro hugs over the years when one of them had needed it. Dean hadn’t thought much about these things until after he’d danced with Cas and begun thinking of him a bit differently.

Sliding his arms around Cas on the dancefloor that night had felt far better than Dean cared to admit. It was so natural and right. But thinking about what they were about to do together was twisting Dean’s stomach in knots. He’d had to admit to himself that he wasn’t sure about it. He’d slid between quite a few pairs of legs over the years. But tonight, there was going to be more than one dick when the clothes came off. Thinking about Cas in his arms was warm. Thinking about touching that dick? It had chilled him. He’d been nervous and so unsure of how he’d really feel when the moment came. And more than anything, he didn’t want to hurt Cas’ feelings by reacting badly.

Cas was inside the school right now… trying his best to explain to Alfie why their night was ending. Alfie hadn’t taken it well and Cas had cared so much for the boy that he couldn’t leave him broken hearted – ditched at the Prom. The two had been at a table talking when Dean had made his exit.

Dean had to respect Cas for how he was with Alfie. His talk with Lisa had been far different. He’d been so irritated with her by then, that he’d easily blown her off. Unfortunately, she’d collapsed like a waif into the arms of her friends and turned Dean into a monster before his own eyes. His friends had given him the fish eye for Lisa. But it had been his announcement that he was skipping their drunken after-party… that’s what had been the nail in his coffin as far as his friends were concerned. He was the most hated man in school that night.

Waiting nearly an hour in the parking lot for Cas had given Dean enough time to fully second guess an idea that had been his own to start with. But watching Cas as he finally exited the school and walked across the empty parking lot was enough to bring him back around.

The boy’s tux jacket had been just a bit too big. And now, after his long and emotional talk with Alfie, his tie was hanging loosely around his neck and the top two buttons of his shirt were undone. His hair was mussed and he still had Deans crown in one hand.

Now, in the brutal present, Dean folds under the weight of the memories. He’s been leaning on the side of the Impala with his arms draped over the roof of the car, sagging as he remembered his first love. Now, the images are rushing on him, swirling in his mind and he surrenders to it – dropping his head onto the cushion of his arms and closing his eyes.

He squeezes his eyelids shut tight to lock out the light and lets himself see it… see it all…

The gut wrenching look on Cas’ face as he walked up to Dean, having broken the heart of the boy he’d meant to sleep with that night… the feel of the cool spring air on his face as he’d leaned in to embrace his friend and pull him close… the vibration of the Impala under him as he drove them out of the parking lot… the heavy anticipation that hovered over them as they headed out to the Best Western at the junction of I10 and 59… the strange look they’d gotten when they checked in at the hotel; two prom kids with no dates… the way his voice had cracked as he’d tried to play it cool while waiting for Cas to figure out the keycard and open the door…

As they had walked the long hall of that hotel together, Dean couldn’t forget that he was not the one Cas had been thinking of when he arranged for this room.

When they stepped into the room and door clicked behind them, there was a finality to it. This was really going to happen. Dean was both elated and terrified. He turned away from Cas, unable to hold his gaze, and reached to engage the flip lever on the door that locked it tightly. Then he’d made himself take a deep breath before turning to face his friend again.

Cas had settled his jacket on the back of a chair and was leaning on the small wooden table. Dean crossed the room, tugging his tux jacket off as he went and then tossed it on top of Cas’. In the two feet between them there was a blurry field of uncertainty and when he met Cas’ eyes, he’d known it was pointless to pretend it wasn’t there. Cas just knew him too well.

“Second thoughts?”

Dean had known better than to say yes, even though Cas had hit the nail on the head. Instead, he had opted to do something he never did… especially before sex. He was honest. “I’m nervous Cas. This is new to me. I don’t really know what to do.”

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want. We can just watch TV and get hammered if you want. Or go home. You don’t even have to kiss me.”

The ‘we don’t have to’ speech had been appreciated. It had taken the edge off. But at the mention of not kissing, Dean had to draw the line. He stepped forward and grabbed Cas’s shirt, pulling the boy away from the table and into his arms, “I want to kiss you,” he’d told him. And he’d meant it. It was the one thing he’d known with certainty – even at the height of his fear.

Kissing Cas had been so different from kissing anyone else. For starters, Cas was just _more_ in his arms. He was almost Deans same height and his presence was strong. Girls, most recently Lisa, were predictable in how they acted when kissed. They always leaned into him. They always wrapped their arms around his neck. They always let him lead.

Not Cas. Cas didn’t lean on him. Cas pressed into him with force, as if he’d been holding back too long and couldn’t take it anymore. He exhaled heavy breath through his nose and it gusted Dean’s cheek. There were no arms around his neck either. There were fists, strong ones, gripping the front of his shirt. It was like a sports car taking off, snapping his head back in surprise at the power. It was 0 – 60 in 2.3 seconds. He’d never felt so alive. His head had been swimming and he’d been unable to think straight.

They’d staggered backwards to the bed… Dean hadn’t even been thinking about fucking or what base they would get to or who would put what where… he just had to get off his feet. He was lightheaded and unsteady.

Their bodies had crashed down onto that bed together, tangled already. Cas’ punishing fists had popped buttons right off his shirt in his fever to touch, and Dean had been overwhelmed by the passion of it. He’d never experienced anything like it. Not before then and not since. Cas was a ferocious animal and Dean had loved it. It had left him no time to think or re-think anything. All he did was feel.

The surprise for him had been how natural it all it was. It hadn’t been smooth – that’s for sure. There had been some awkward fumbling and some nervous laughter. There had been things to think of that he’d never had to think of before… like lube. But there was also a feeling he’d never had during sex before. A feeling of security. Of safety. Of acceptance and, yeah, love.

And thank fuck for the acceptance and love! He’d given an unimpressive blow job and then cum hard and fast, literally in three fucking pumps. It was embarrassing how quick it was over. Dean loved that he’d been able to drop his head to Cas’ chest and laugh with his friend – knowing that it would stay between them.

Now, thinking back on how quickly he’d shot his load, he laughed out loud. He pulled his head up from its resting place on his arms and stepped back from the Impala to look around. He glanced at his watch. He’d been here for almost 15 minutes. More cars were pulling in. This wasn’t going to get any easier by waiting around. It was do or die time. He knew it. In his mind he was crossing the lot and climbing the stairs. But in reality, his feet were anchored in place like tree trunks. He both did and didn’t want to do this. But it was important. He knew that.

Waiting for courage he may not have, Dean settled on the hood and gave himself a minute. He only watched the activity in the parking lot for a few short moments before his memories reclaimed him. Prom night was a warm memory now. Full of first times. His unimpressive start hadn’t dampened their evening. They’d laid together and talked for a few minutes as their breath calmed down. They’d done a few shots of the cheap vodka Dean had managed to snag when he’d bailed on his friends. They’d found it impossible to be more than a few inches apart. They touched each other and looked at each other… really looked. Dean hadn’t taken long to come around and try the blow job again. The noises Cas made when licked and sucked were addictive. And Dean had never given any thought to his asshole before… but when Cas brushed fingertips over it? His dick filled in record time.

The fallout from Prom had lasted for weeks. But the hardest part was the Monday after. There were still remnants of the event everywhere. Signs that hadn’t been taken down, decorations being carted out of the gym and gossip on every ones lips.

The ‘Dean and Cas’ thing wasn’t the only drama that had gone down on Prom night. But it was certainly the most talked about. Walking in to school that first day after was hard for both of them. There would be blowbacks for both of them over the next few days. Cas, for instance, had felt like a huge douche canoe when he settled into his chair for band – next to his jilted lover.

And Dean hadn’t heard from any of his friends all weekend… he’d had no idea what to expect when he came to school that day. In some ways, it wasn’t as bad as he’d expected. In others, it was worse.

The locker room before track was a low point. Both he and Cas were in there changing together changing their clothes with their teammates who all knew they’d fucked. You could have cut the tension in the room with a knife. No one spoke. Dean had looked to Cas and seen a question in his eyes. That was the scariest part of it all… watching Cas question what they were doing.

But, after the initial blast wave, the nuclear fall out of their coupling had blown over almost completely within a few weeks. A couple of weeks wasn’t much now, as an adult, but in high school? Time moves slower and it had felt like an eternity. At least they’d had each other.

Rolling about in that big hotel bed with Cas on Prom night had been a high point for Dean and their relationship had grown easily from it. Their friendship was every bit as strong as it had ever been, only now, they were fucking too. It was incredible. The man had met all his needs, even then.

Much like their initial friendship in junior high, Dean and Cas’ sexual relationship had grown strong quickly. They’d stayed together and been happy for almost three years. College had torn them apart, but they’d given it a solid try and Dean had never regretted the time they’d shared. It remained special to him now, even years after.

The trouble with college wasn’t their geographical separation. It had been a whole different kind of separation. Cas had been accepted to an Ivy League School and Dean had been accepted at Community College. As bitter as Dean was that their social and geographical distance was so wide – he had to acknowledge that it was his own fault. All the times he’d blown off work for fun had bitten him in the ass like a damn snake. And Cas, always more diligent and focused, had left to go prepare for a life that Dean would not fit into.

He’d been a sophomore when he realized it. That’s when he’d finally ended things with Cas. He wasn’t able to continue to lie to himself about how they were going to be together forever anymore. Cas was going to graduate from Columbia in a few years and take life like a bull by the horns. He’d have an important job and a fancy apartment in the city. He’d drink fine wine instead of beer and eat in fancy restaurants.

Dean? Dean would be a mechanic. Dean would drive his dads old Impala as he had since he left home. He’d come home from work dirty and eat burgers with bacon and extra onions. Dean would never fit into Cas’ world. He’d known it then and he still knew it now.

But he was here, right? He was going to go in. He knew it. And when he left, he would leave alone and broken hearted and having made a fool of himself in front of all the elitist bastards he’d never wanted to see in real life. He was going to go down in blue flames… but he had to try. Otherwise, he’d spend the rest of his life swimming in regrets and finding consolation at the bottom of whiskey bottles.

Now, feeling both insecure and pathetic, he pushed off of Baby’s hood and took his first steps toward the church. He was hot and road weary. His jeans and black t-shirt didn’t fit in with the beautifully pressed and dressed people that were walking in the same direction.

He trudged up the steps of that church like a man condemned. When he stepped out of the hot sun and into the cool shadow of the lobby, he was greeted by an usher wearing a suit with a white boutonniere. The man handed him a program and welcomed him, “Are you ready to be seated?”

“No,” replied Dean firmly, “I need to see the groom. Where is he?”

“Which?” asked the usher with forced patience.

“Novak. I need to see Novak.”

“Very well sir, follow me.”

Dean hadn’t expected it to be that easy. He followed the man through the small crowd of friends and family that chattered lightly in the vestibule. They pushed through a door and moved past the empty offices. There was a conference room and a nursery near the back whose dark doors were closed and decorated with white flowers. Dean watched as the usher knocked on one of the doors and leaned in through a small crack.

Dean could only hear the usher’s side of the conversation, “Mr. Novak? You have a visitor, shall I let him in or would you like to come out?”

The usher turned to Dean, “What is your name sir?”

“Winchester,” he answered with a lump in his throat.

He watched the usher closely as his name was given to Cas - and whoever else was in that room. Immediately there was an uproar of voices. The usher was jostled backward and the door slammed shut. Dean could hear shouting through the door and exchanged a pitiful shoulder shrug with the usher who stood like a century between him and the door.

From inside, the elevated voices of Castiel’s brothers could easily be heard. Above the din, Dean could make out one clear shout of “Cas, don’t you fucking dare!” before the door opened and Cas emerged alone.

Much like prom night, here was Cas in a tux, shirt partially buttoned and tie dangling around his neck. His eyes were wide as he nodded to dismiss the usher and turned the full force of those stormy blue eyes on Dean, whom he’d not seen in years. They were Facebook friends now, and that was it. Dean hadn’t even received an actual invitation to this event.

“Here to wish me well?” asked Cas with a huff of laughter. It was good to see his sense of humor was still alive and kicking. Inside, Dean was surprised no one had taken a swing at him yet. There were three brothers on the other side of that door – and each of them would love to get a piece of Dean Winchester.

“I’m here because…” Dean’s voice trailed off. He should have rehearsed a speech. Seriously. He’d just driven from Lawrence, Kansas to Amarillo, Texas. He’d been on the road for like 10 hours. Nothing? He’d planned nothing of what he’d say?

Cas tipped his chin back and peered at Dean from under an arched eyebrow. Dean knew that look. He stepped forward and decided to say exactly what was in his heart. Cas knew him better than anyone. If he was honest, his words would have weight with this man despite the years they’d been apart.

“Cas,” he said as he closed the gap between them as much as he could, “I’ve loved you for a long damn time. And I’ve always known you were too good for me. You deserve better – I know that. And I’m happy for you, I really am. But I just can’t shake this feeling. It’s with me all the time… I just feel like… it should be me. I want it to be me. And I just had to tell you that before you got married.” Dean took a deep breath before he continued, unable to look Cas in the eye until now, “You get it, right? How I feel? I know all the reasons why you shouldn’t want me. But I still feel how I feel. It should be me. Shouldn’t it? Shouldn’t it be me?”

Dean dropped his eyes and waited for it. He stared at the carpet and waited to be crushed by the inevitable blow. But it didn’t come. The hall was so quiet that Dean had to look up to see if Cas was even still there. When their eyes met, Dean felt it. The love. It had never left them. Cas wasn’t going to crush him. He was going to hug him and wish him well and tell him to stay for cake. It was more than he could’ve hoped for. They leaned into each other and embraced firmly; a hug that was years in the making and Dean clung to it like it was a life raft. Never wanted to let go.

“Oh Dean,” whispered Cas against his ear, “Dean, of course it should be you. It’s always been you.”

 

.


	3. The Future

Dean tightened his hold around Cas when he heard the man’s declaration. After all this time, Cas still wanted him. It was too good to be true. What did it mean for them? Who the hell could know. But Dean was going to let himself have this one moment of peace and love – this one perfect minute of belonging in the arms that he’d been aching for.

They didn’t get long. Cas’ brothers must’ve lost their patience behind the door. They poured out of the room and Michael literally shoved the two apart. They were suddenly surrounded by people pushing. Dean felt himself dragged backwards, still reaching for Cas. Before he could even focus on whose hands were restraining him, there was a sharp jab to his stomach. It doubled him over. As Deans vision swam and his stomach roiled he worked to pick his chin up and saw Gabe move to pull Cas back into his little room. But Cas was bigger. He surged forward and put his lips to Deans despite his brothers. It was quick and chaste and then Cas was practically shouting as he was pulled away, “Don’t go, Dean! Don’t leave!”

Dean could barely keep his feet under him as he was dragged through a side door and literally tossed outside. The Novak boys had put him on his ass on the lawn of the church. A steady stream of guests were walking from their cars to the church and all that had seen the commotion had stopped to watch. Dean stood, perhaps a bit too soon. From out of nowhere there was a jarring impact to his jaw… and then he was down again.

Dean curled into a fetal position as he took a swift kick to the ribs. He was greatly outnumbered and considering the circumstances he didn’t feel at liberty to defend himself. He had it coming and he knew it. He could hear the brothers slapping each other’s backs for their efficiency in ‘clearing the scene’ and their disparaging remarks about Dean. He tried not to take it personally. He knew he had this coming. But hearing words like ‘worthless piece of shit’ and ‘fucking loser’ were never easy. Eventually, the volume of their jeers died down and their footsteps moved away. Dean heard the door close and tried to sit up. Some of the passersby were still clustered up and watching him as he limped to his Baby and climbed behind the wheel.

Cas had told him not to leave. No problem. He wasn’t really fit for driving right now anyway. He tipped his head back on the seat in his hot car and worked to control his breathing. He wished he had something to drink, but he’d finished his last Mt. Dew an hour outside of town and hadn’t wanted to stop again.

As minutes ticked by, Dean was becoming more uncomfortable. He was sweating again and the heat wasn’t helping his injuries either. His face was swelling quickly where fists had pummeled him and his head was starting to pound. His abdomen was badly bruised and his stomach was nauseous. He looked in the rearview mirror to assess the damage. He had cuts on his face, dirt on his skin and clothes and he had to pick grass and leaves out of his hair.

All told it was a small price to pay for the 90 seconds of joy he’d had. Hearing Cas say, “It was always you,” had lit him up inside. Life had meaning again. Promise. He was smiling through a busted lip and thinking about the possibilities ahead. Perhaps they could see each other?

Dean worked hard to keep from getting ahead of himself. For all he knew, Cas was inside the church right now – marrying his fiancé. The wedding was scheduled for 1:00 and according to Dean’s watch it was almost quarter after. The lot was deserted, full of cars and empty of people. The limo still sat out front, baking in the hot sun.

The sky here in Texas was so wide and open. There were no clouds. There was no shade on this lot and the sun beat down mercilessly. Movement caught his eye across the lot, the church doors were opening. Dean sat up straighter in his seat and watched as guests poured out of the church talking amongst themselves.

Dean waited to see what would happen next. By the time he caught a glimpse of a familiar face, his heart was thundering behind his ribcage. Gabe. Gabe was walking out of the church. Dean watched him lean into the limo and speak with the driver.

The limo pulled around the side of the church where Dean had been hurled out on his ass. Gabe headed back into the church, shaking hands and greeting people as he went. Dean waited an eternity as cars exited the grounds one after another. There were only a half-dozen cars left when Dean saw Cas exit the church, but he wasn’t alone. There was a man with him… a man in a tux. This had to be the fiancé.

Dean had seen his pictures on Facebook, but it broke his heart to look. He’d always skimmed over them quickly. The guy’s name was Russ and he was a partner at Cas’ firm. They were living in Dallas, as far as Dean knew. Why the wedding was in Amarillo? He didn’t know.

They were headed his way. Dean wasn’t sure what to do, so he climbed out of the car and waited as they approached him.

“Dean,” said Cas softly as they stepped up to him, “This is Russell Thompson. He’s my… he was my fiancé. He wanted to meet you and I couldn’t say no.”

Dean wasn’t sure what to say or do. He extended his hand as if to shake. The man’s hand clenched by his side and he made no move to accept Deans feeble attempt at a handshake.

“I just wanted to put a face with the name,” said Russell. The man looked thoroughly unimpressed. Dean knew he was a sight… dirty, sweaty and beat to hell. He was underdressed and leaning on a dirty car. Not his best moment to meet the man who’d gotten Cas to wear his ring and call him fiancé.

“I’m sorry,” Dean said in his kindest voice.

“No you’re not. Don’t act like you give a shit about what you’ve done here today,” said Russell with obvious distain. Cas looked over at him and he nodded, obviously working to maintain his temper for Cas’ sake. The guy had character in spades… it showed in his mannerisms and the way he held himself. He was confident but not boastful. Kind but not soft. He was everything Dean knew he lacked. But this man wasn’t laying a hand on Cas. That spoke volumes about what was going on – even if no one had said anything. The two were finished. And for that, among other things, Dean knew he was at fault. He stepped up to offer what penance he could. He pulled his arms behind his back.

“I’ve got it comin. Go ahead and give it to me.”

The man made a face, as if taking a swing at Dean was somehow beneath him. He turned then, to address Cas. He said, “You know this is partially my fault right?”

“I don’t know how you figure that,” said Cas softly.

“I proposed to a man who still says another man’s name in his sleep.”

“I do that?” asked Cas incredulously.

“Not often, but yes.”

“I’m sorry,” said Cas shamefully, hanging his head.

“Like I said, this is my fault. I knew you weren’t ready and I asked anyway.”

“I really do love you,” said Cas to Russell.

“I know. And I love you too. I hope you’ll be happy.”

Dean watched as the man leaned in and put a single kiss on the top of Cas’ head. Dean averted his eyes.

“I’m going to go now. It will be a while before I’m ready,” said Russell, “but eventually I hope we can be friends again.”

“I’d like that very much,” answered Cas.

Dean watched Russell turn to leave them. But then, the man snapped back. It happened so fast that Dean never even saw it coming. He felt a jarring crack, saw stars and then felt himself sailing backwards through the air to flop to the ground like a sack of potatoes.

Once again, he was on his back and looking up at the wide, blue Texas sky. Pain was shooting though his jaw and cheek bone. It felt like his eye was going to pop out of his head and roll out onto the asphalt. The back of his head had hit the ground hard and made a sickening noise. He braced himself for the pain from that and swallowed the bile that was rising in the back of his throat. He tasted copper. Blood.

Dean couldn’t see Russell, not sprawled out on his back like he was, but he heard the man clearly when he said, “You’re right. You did have that coming.”

Dean turned to his side and spit the blood from his mouth. He ran his tongue along his teeth – just making sure they were all still there. He took a deep breath and then felt Cas’ hands on him. “I’m sorry,” Cas muttered, “I really didn’t think he’d do that.”

Dizzy, Dean allowed his friend to help him up. He slumped against the Impala and took a moment to steady himself before sliding behind the wheel. The smell of hot leather seats filled the car. The upholstery was literally baking in the heat. As was Dean.

Cas walked around and crawled in the passenger door. He was fresh faced, looking very handsome in his tux. Dean smiled at Cas, even though it hurt. Then he turned the key in the ignition and felt his baby rumble to life under him.

“I can’t believe you still have this car,” said Cas softly, “so many memories,” he added with a nod towards the back seat.

“I could never sell this car,” said Dean as his eyes followed Cas’ to the back seat. They had spent a lot of time back there during their senior year of high school. The memories lingered strong for Dean and as he watched Cas’ eyes rove over the black leather he realized they were strong for his friend too.

“Where to?” he asked, returning his attention to the steering wheel under his sweaty hands.

“The clinic,” laughed Cas, “Fucking look at you!”

“I don’t need a damn doctor,” barked Dean gruffly, “I need aspirin. And to lay my head in your lap.”

“Well then, get on 40 and head for the airport. I’ve got a room at the Holiday Inn.”

“So what happened in there?” asked Dean as he navigated out of the parking lot.

“Well, my brothers gave me shit, of course, and then they told me to talk to Russ and shoved me into his dressing room. It was a zoo for a while, but in the end we went up to the front of the church together and made an announcement. We told everyone that we loved each other but had decided not to marry today.”

“What’s Russ gonna do?”

“His brothers and mine are going to go find a liquor store and drink it. They took the limo.”

“Your brothers are taking your ex-fiance out?”

“Yep. And you can bet my picture will be on a dartboard before the night is over.”

“Are they mad at you for not marrying him?”

“Not really. They just pity him. And me, I guess. They think I’m a fool. They say you’ll just break my heart again.”

“What are your folks saying?”

“Dean, you don’t want to know.”

“Yeah, probably not.”

It didn’t take long to get over to the hotel. Dean trudged wearily behind Cas to his room. They spent the afternoon and early evening resting. Dean spread himself out on the bed and Cas pulled his head gently into his lap, pressing an icepack to his brow.

They lingered in the quiet, hiding from daylight. Mostly they were quiet. Intermittently they would speak – mostly asking each other questions as they popped to mind. Dean was able to piece together a better picture of Cas’ life as they got to know each other again. He was working for a large firm in Dallas, where Russ had been a partner. Dean had known that already. What he didn’t know was that the firm belonged largely to Russell’s family. Cas had been enticed there by his boyfriend when they’d finished college. When gay marriage became a constitutionally protected right, Russell had asked for Cas’ hand. It had seemed an apt celebration and they’d then begun planning their wedding. It had been set in Amarillo because that’s where most of Russ’ family was from. It was his ‘hometown’ so to speak.

Cas seemed to not want to talk much about his life with Russ and Dean could respect that and he let the subject rest. There were details they’d have to work out eventually. Cas and Russ had been sharing a condo and Cas would need to retrieve his things and move out. He didn’t think he’d be fired from the firm for running out on the wedding… but he knew he needed to put in notice and make an exit. It wasn’t his place anymore.

“Do you even like Dallas?” asked Dean.

“It’s alright. It’s like New York in a lot of ways.”

Cas was carding his hand through Dean’s hair and he wasn’t even ashamed of how much he liked the feel of it.

“What about you, Dean, what have been doing with yourself?”

“I’ve partnered with my friend Bobby. We’ve got a shop on the outskirts of Kansas City. It’s on 70 where it meets the bypass. Good location. We’re doing well.”

“So you’re a city dweller now too?” Cas asked him.

“Nope. Still live in Lawrence. Bought a house last year.”

“That’s great Dean, I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks, man.”

“Are you getting hungry?”

“M’always hungry,” chuckled Dean, “Can we order in? I’m not up for goin anywhere.”

“Of course, Dean,” said Cas kindly as he flicked through his phone to order something. They ate in bed and Dean felt much better with food in his stomach. They ended up just watching a movie and Dean fell asleep cradling Cas in the crook of his arm. He couldn’t remember a time in his adult life when he’d felt more satisfied.

Whenever Dean rolled over that night, he’d tuck himself back in against Cas. Once he woke and had a flash of panic as he took in the empty bed beside him. It had been too good to be true and for a few shaky breathes – it was as if he had dreamt it all – only to wake alone. But then he heard a flush and was soothed as Cas returned to bed and sidled up next to him under the covers. No one spoke, they just laid there watching each other in the darkened room for a moment.

Cas’ eyes were bright even in the dark and Dean couldn’t stop himself from closing the last of the distance between them to bring their lips together. Unlike their kiss at the church, this one was soft and sweet with no regard for time. It was easy to be swept away with Cas. To forget where they were. To forget what had happened and disregard the many heavy questions that hung over their future. To just be. And to be together.

Hands found each other under soft sheets. Breaths grew short and quick. T-shirts were pushed off over head and boxers slid down muscled legs. Dean let out a gasp as his dick remembered the feel of Cas’ hand – still so different from the touch of any other. His excitement swelled quickly and despite the protest of his aching bones he reached with all his might and hoisted Cas over  – bringing the man to rest on top of him.

Cas’ knees found mattress and shoved Deans legs apart under him, claiming his place. Dean’s answering moan would not be stifled and as Cas pressed lips to Dean’s neck he issued a lusty growl that stiffened Dean’s cock and sent shivers down his spine. A ‘yes’ slid from his mouth as Cas slid his dick alongside Deans and began to roll his hips.

Dean felt himself smiling as Cas attached his mouth to his neck in that spot between ear and shoulder. He issued another yes at the thought of wearing any marks this man would give him… anything that solidified Cas’ claim on him. Anything that showed tangibly that they’d been together like this.

His hands moved slowly down Cas’ back, loving the feel of strong muscles working under his fingers. They came to rest on ass cheeks. He gripped them tight, loving the feel of them clenching rhythmically as he rutted over Dean’s welcoming frame.

Dean actually whimpered a bit when Cas’ mouth released his neck – and his breathing ticked up again as those full lips began working lower on his chest to tease and nibble at his nipples. With Cas slinking lower, Deans hands were deprived of the soft cheeks he’d been squeezing and they began to wander again, tracing the lines of his lovers back and shoulders before finding their way into soft hair.

Unable to summon further patience, he began pushing Cas lower, “Please,” he begged, “Please Cas…”

“I know what you need Dean,” mumbled Cas – lips never pulling away from Dean’s skin to enunciate.

Cas moved lower an inch at a time until Dean’s blood was boiling and his skin was screaming out for more. He was twisting and flexing on the bed from the ecstasy of being forced to wait for Cas’ mouth on his swollen cock until finally… sweet relief. Cas kissed the tip lightly and then began sliding down. Still maddeningly slow and driving Dean out of his mind with want.

He worked to slow down his breathing and keep his hips still for Cas but as the man went about his work, he built up the speed and pressure steadily, turning Dean into a begging mess. Dean lifted his head and looked down his body at the man – seeing his strong shoulders bracing on over Dean and his ravaged hair moving up and down as he sucked Deans cock was a sensory overload he wasn’t ready for. He dropped his head back to the pillow and fisted into the sheets, fully focused on not cumming too soon. He wanted to cum with Cas.

“Are you gonna fuck me, Cas?” he called out into the dark.

Cas didn’t answer. He moaned on Dean’s cock instead and moved a finger to Dean’s puckered hole. Without even thinking Dean spread his legs wider – begging for the touch. If someone had told his younger self how much he’d enjoy being fucked one day? He would’ve laughed. But on their very first night together – a lifetime ago it seemed – Cas had begun showing him all the things he could feel that he’d never even imagined before.

They’d just been two kids back then – but already Cas had known him better than he’d known himself. Seen Dean in a way that no one else ever really had. Their love and friendship had been deep. Still was, it seemed. Because here they were. Barely a word in two years; but with a single kiss and a few words they’d both plunged their lives into upheaval. Each for the other.

Dean was panting now as he felt Cas’ finger breach him and then another, too soon. He cursed and called out Cas’ name. Cas pulled off of him with a pop and crawled across the bed to pull something out of the drawer of the nightstand.

Dean had to chuckle at the thought. Cas kept his lube next to the Gideon Bible in the drawer of this hotel room. How funny. On the heels of that was the thought that only yesterday that same lube had belonged to someone else. Before housekeeping came in and made the bed this morning – there had been another man’s scent on the sheets. He bit back the bile in his throat and reminded himself that it was his own doing. He’d made a lot of messes in his life. It was time to start cleaning them up. Starting with Cas.

The jolt of cool, slippery fingers in his crack snapped his mind back to the pleasurable present and he shivered as Cas plunged his fingers back in and added another – spreading him wide. “Ahhh,” he cried as he felt the burning stretch of a fourth finger.

“You’re a man Dean, you can take it,” Cas reminded him roughly.

Unable to speak, Dean nodded into his pillow and pulled one knee towards his chest – signaling for more without words. Cas teased him with talented fingers, striking his sweet spot and licking his dick as it grew harder and heavier.

Without warning, Cas sat up and took Deans knee and hip with voracious strength and flipped him to his stomach. He scrambled to get his knees and elbows under himself… excited for what was coming. He felt Cas behind him, rising. He felt the bed dip and worked to keep his position as the man approached him from behind and pressed a rock-hard cock to his entrance.

Hands gripped hips and Dean pressed his weight backward and held his breath as he waited for the moment of penetration. When it happened he found himself gulping in air – overwhelmed by the sensation of being filled up by his man. It had been _so long_. But his body had not forgotten. It sang with anticipation as Cas pressed forward in him. Dean loved feeling the power of a full grown man behind him. Cas had filled out a lot since his early college years and it only served to remind Dean of how far they’d both come from where they were when they’d last been together. They weren’t boys anymore.

Dean dropped his head to the mattress and surrendered to his man as he began to thrust. They worked themselves into a rhythm, moving faster and panting louder, calling out for each other as they built together. Just when Dean could take no more – he felt Cas take him in hand. “Fuck yeah, Cas,” he called out as his man began to stroke him hard and fast.

Dean held on as long as he could, never wanting the feeling to end. But he couldn’t fight the power of Cas’ hand as it moved on him… or the tugging in his stomach each time his lovers cock pulled back out of him. The drag of it drew his pleasure lower and lower in his stomach with each thrust; the push back in brought with it a lightning strike of pleasure at his core. He was helpless against the assault and eventually had to surrender. The surge of cum from his tip was the beginning of a glorious end and he wilted into the bed to enjoy the last of the aftershocks as they passed over him.

Cas was clenching as Dean came down and soon settled in along the line of his back, arm draped over Dean’s waist and lips pressing soft kisses to the back of his neck.

“God how I’ve missed you Dean,” whispered Cas.

Dean twined their fingers together, hoping it said the things he was too euphoric to put into words. He kissed those sweet fingers and let himself settle into the pillows.

When their breathing was leveled out, Dean took advantage of having his back to Cas and told him some things that were difficult to say when facing someone. “No one’s ever done it for me like you do, Cas.”

“I feel the same Dean,” it was quiet for a beat and then Cas asked him, “Is there someone? Someone you’ll have to break it off with if we’re back together?”

“No.”

Again, a moment of silence followed by a question, “Dean, have there been many since me?”

“Yeah.”

“Anyone special?”

“One.”

“Who was he?”

“She. Her name is Jo. If we’re together – it’s hard to imagine that you won’t end up meeting her at some point. You’ll need to be good to her. She’s special.”

“Tell me about her,” said Cas in the tone of a child who asks for a bedtime story.

“Well, Cas, we both know that ending things with you was one of the dumbest thing I’ve ever done. But it wasn’t the first and it wasn’t the last.”

Cas waited, giving Dean time to decide how to explain.

“When we together, I started accepting that I was gay. So, when we split, I dated guys. But it wasn’t right. Not with any of them. I couldn’t even _imagine_ taking any of them to bed.

Then one night, I was wasted at a bar and this chick was hitting on me. I didn’t even have time to tell her I was gay before she hauled me to the bathroom. She was on her knees in the stall before I could even think about it. So I fucked her. And, it’s like I remembered... I remembered that yeah, I used to do this all the time,” Dean paused for a moment before continuing – wondering how much detail Cas could stand.

“I liked it. A lot. I’d forgotten how sexy women are – curves and breasts and lacy panties that they have to wiggle to get out of. I’m not gay Cas. I’m not. I’m sure of it now. But it’s hard to say I’m straight too… I mean, straight guys don’t do what I just did, do they?”

“I don’t think so,” chuckled Cas behind him.

“I don’t know what I am. But I know I haven’t ever been attracted to another man. Only you. I think I’m straight – and Cas curious,” he laughed. He felt Cas’ arm tighten around him and then immediately rephrased. “I’m Cas only.”

“When did you meet Jo?”

“Oh, yeah, you’re gonna love this… I met her through my sponsor.”

“Your sponsor? As in your AA sponsor?”

“Yep. I was a mess after us. I didn’t really understand it at the time. Just told myself that I was young and single and it was my duty to party. But I partied so hard it took a whole extra year to graduate. Yeah,” Dean chuckled, “While you were at your Ivy League taking the world by storm… it took me an extra YEAR to finish COMMUNITY COLLEGE.”

Cas didn’t speak, but he planted a kiss into Dean’s hair – an encouragement to continue.

“I was drinking so much by the time I got out that I couldn’t even hold down a job. I got evicted. I crashed with friends for a while; but technically I was homeless when I went to my first AA meeting. It was a long road. My sponsor was awesome. He knew how to talk to me. Knew how to get me to listen and hear him. He’s the one that helped me remember who I really am. He ended up taking out a huge ass loan against his house to set up the shop with me. We’ve been going strong ever since. Honestly, I owe him a lot. And how did I repay him? I fucked his daughter.”

“Oh Dean.”

“I know. I honestly thought it might work out with her at first. She was cool. Didn’t take any of my shit.”

“What happened? Why didn’t it work?”

“She wasn’t you.”

Dean felt lighter for having told Cas these things. But he also had to acknowledge that Cas may have some second thoughts about rekindling things with him – life with an alcoholic isn’t easy.

Dean does stand up at his meetings and introduces himself as an alcoholic. But deep down, he’s not entirely convinced. There’s part of him that tells himself that he’d just gone through a phase and needed to be bitch slapped… that everyone parties in their youth and he just took it a little too far.

He’d like to think that in the future he can be someone who has a beer after work… or shot of whiskey when playing poker. But he has to admit that may be the voice of his disease lying to him. For now, he tries to avoid all alcohol and he does pretty well. He avoids bars all together and downs Mt. Dew like its water.

So far, he’s never fallen off the wagon like you see on TV. He’s had a few drinks and had to put on the brakes. And so far, he’s feeling good about where he’s at.

Buying his own home and being a business partner in a successful shop has done a lot to boost his confidence; to remind him that just because he’s not like Cas – doesn’t mean he’s nothing. He’s got skills of his own and he’s made something of himself. His parents are proud of him and so is his little brother. He’s on the right track, he thinks. And if Cas will have him? He’s certain he’ll be happy in life.

Feeling secure in Cas’ arms – even if it’s only for tonight – he begins to drift off to sleep.

“Dean?” whispers Cas, pulling him back from his slumber.

“Yeah?”

“Do you want to go to on a cruise with me?”

“What?” says Dean as he turns toward Cas in the bed.

Cas meets his eye and smiles sheepishly, “I have tickets for a Mediterranean Cruise. It was meant to be my honeymoon. I offered it to Russell, thinking he may want to get away after the wedding was called off. He said he wasn’t even remotely interested in going. But I think I might like to go… if you’re willing to go with me?”

“That sounds nice, Cas,” chuckled Dean as he settled in facing his man, “After everything I just told you… I was just hoping you’d still be here when I woke up. Take a cruise with you? Fuck yeah!” Dean curled into Cas’ side and rested his head on his friends shoulder, “When do we leave?”

Cas reached for his phone on the nightstand and lit up the screen, “about four hours,” he said, dropping his head back to the pillow, “maybe we should get some sleep.”

Dean smiled in the dark and nodded. “Cas?”

“Hmm?”

“When we get back from our cruise, will you come home with me? Can that even work for you?”

“Sure it can. I grew up in Lawrence too, remember? Kansas City is a big enough job market. I shouldn’t have any trouble.”

“Cas, you’re the best friend I ever had. I won’t make your sorry that you’re giving me another chance,” he hesitated then, but overcame his fear and punched out the words before he could wimp out. “I love you, Cas.”

Cas smiled warmly, “Dean, I meant what I said today in the church… it’s always been you. I don’t care if you have hard times or make mistakes… even when you’ve broken my heart… you’ve always been the one. I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment and let me know what you think?


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